Friends or family members of a care partner mean well but often have no idea what the caregiver is actually going through. Canadians are reticent and don’t like to interfere in things they regard as ‘personal’. Get over yourself. The caregiver needs help.
On one of my visits with Brian at the hospital, I asked the nurse specialist if I could bring him a harmonica to play. She looked at me askance. I am aware that a ‘harp’ could be a ‘weapon’;
On Christmas Eve morning, at about 10:30, Brian said he was going for a drive. I said that his son and family were coming for lunch at 11:00 and asked that he not go. To no avail, Brian didn’t want to have anything to do with Christmas and he wanted to leave.
He was gone for 27 hours.
As we readied to leave the doctor’s office, Doc held me back and told me to hide the car keys. This was singularly unhelpful advice but for the sake of our, and community safety, I hid the keys, even disabled the spare key.
OH MY FREAKIN’ ANCESTORS !! My wonderful man turned into Angry Bird.
Nothing prepared me for this. NOTHING. So now what? Clearly, Brian was now on the Dementia pathway. But also I’m on the pathway of a pain that doesn’t heal and crying in the shower doesn’t relieve.
Our last bike ride was only eight months ago and today he doesn’t know who I am; the rapid progression is devastating. Dementia isn’t logical – that part of his mind is gone – it is emotional. The only thing that matters is the feeling of care, calm, and presence – minimizing frustration.
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