Travels with Myself

The Occasional Blogs of Doug Jordan, Author

24. Moving Day

All through that fall and winter I had been gently but steadily moving ahead with the task of downsizing my household. It was a painful but necessary step to me redefining my life following Marlene’s death. I now had too much house, and too much stuff for one man living alone.

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23. Time to Move

I only felt alive when I was with her. But even then, I knew this was more fantasy than real. I knew I had to get my life in order, and my finances in order, and start over. The confusing part was when the fantasy and the reality merged.

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Observations on Blogging

Of the 105 subscribers, about 55 (not always the same 55) are reported as ‘Open’ed but of those only about half Click through to the blog site itself. This is not surprising really, it’s only my tender ego that expects all my readers are eager to read my latest post.

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22. Reading, Writing, ‘Rithmetic

Little did I realize I was also tampering yet again with my core identity. We are creatures of habit and we are especially attached to our own territory: house and office are core to our sense of self.

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21. Falling and Flying – 2

As our relationship progressed, I began to ask myself what sort of relationship I really had with Emily. ‘You are too unstable for us to think about this relationship. It has only been a few months and you are grieving hard for Marlene. And so am I. We are not ready for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.’ Emily found lots of evidence of my instability. There were many signs:

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20. Falling and Flying

At the Kingston station I noticed a young couple greeting each other with an excited kiss on the platform. I smiled at this public display of affection and then a dull yearning began in my chest. I suddenly had an impulse to text Emily. Was she available to have dinner with me that evening when I got back?

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19. False Hope

The fog of grief was real enough: I lost concentration, I had no plans, I was forgetful. I couldn’t sleep. I knew there were things I needed to do to start putting my life back together, but not today, maybe tomorrow. I went to grief counseling; I read many books about grief. I finally read The Emperor of all Maladies. All I wanted to do was escape all this grieving stuff.
And there she was.

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18 Parallel Universe

During the period of Marlene’s illness, and dying, I was consumed with the obvious activity – caring for the patient. Caring for myself was an

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17. Grief 3

This post [Grief 3] may feel a bit like Rach 3, that difficult and challenging piano concerto by Sergei Rachmaninov, at first compelling, but then

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16. Marlene’s Grief

Was Marlene shocked at the confirmation of her cancer?  Did she go through the classic stages of grief in her journey with cancer? Did I?  Not

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15. About Grief

Maybe the ancients had it right, grief is one continuous blur with no clear steps or stages, and no certain period, only a gradual diminishing of pain.

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14. Fallout

One of our long-time friends had observed at the time Marlene’s mother had died from esophageal cancer, ‘there’s always a casualty with cancer’; even if

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12. The Funeral

A funeral may be one of the most striking symbols of the human condition. Every tribe in human history is marked for its cultural attention

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11. The Race to the End

In the ensuing weeks my daily routine was almost entirely focused on the care and comforting of Marlene. I designed an excel spreadsheet to monitor

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8. Life Transitions

Every life transition brings its own emotional response, even when you are the architect of your own transition. Many transitions are gradual, even semi-conscious. You

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2. Master Class

I never took a writing course. There was a basic styles handbook in university, and I’m sure I had marginal feedback from various TAs who

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1. The Journey Begins

How many of you have thought, ‘maybe I should write a book’? If you’re reading this blog, I suspect, most of you.  Everyone has a

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Introduction

Travels with Myself (with apologies to John Steinbeck) is the story of my journey to become an author. This is also the narrative of the

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